Why is life so complicated?

does life get complicated as we grow older or do we make it complicated in our head? why cannot i make it easy? i have a loving family, a loving husband, and what every other one calls a decent life. then why am i unhappy...i make things up in my head if there is nothing to feel sad about. i have an older brother who hasn't settled very well yet. i worry about him constantly...i keep going over the scenario where he settled really well and how different life would have been...or how if i married a different person, my life would have been different...or how if i made some other decisions my life would have been...i constantly look for reasons to feel sorry for myself. i constantly pray for things to go my way...i live in the states and my parents live in india...i constantly worry about their welfare. daddy has been retired for over 5 years now...i worry about their monetary help...i want to get them a better car, a better house...but i cannot make the commitment...that worries me..we are trying to get pregnant for over 6 to 8 months now and that's not working out either...i had some really bad experiences with inlaws...and i cannot get over those and be normal/ good with them... i play evertyhing in my head...on how to be normal with them and make life simpler...but for some reason i cannot get my head to act on them...i feel as if they are either going to look down upon me or my ego/ self respect is going to take a beating...i am sure its not that way...but still i cannot take that step..its seems so simple...i can see someone doing it so easily...i can see myself doing it with others easily...but not with them...its like i want them to be hurt or my husband to be hurt...i am scared if i start being good they will take advantage of me...every day i keep telling my self things are going to change with the brother and everything will be good...but nothing is changing...i worry if he has it in him to make things better...i dont know if i can call anyone friends...i usually sit in the mould they want me to...am scared to be open with them because i am scared that they will judge me...or talk behind my back... do i do that? is that the reason i am scared myself? i have created this blog to just type all the ramblings that go on in my head...in my heart i know i cna make things simpler and easier...however my head doesnot let me proceed...or is it the other way...my head knows buy my heart restrains...i am in india now (visiting) and am so worried about the living conditions...i am sure people who are actually living do not feel that way...there is trash all over the roads...no one seems to care... i want to do anything/ something...again i dont know if i have it in me to do it...i was not this always...something should have happend/ changed along the way to make me the person i am now...i am totally insecure...why?...i was the person who could look past the usual things in a human and just be...not any more...what changed...why cannot i get back to being my old self? i am constantly asking questions and looking for answers...when will my brother settle down?...how is our life going to be in couple of years?...am i going to be a mother? ...i know only time can answer these questions...i have been waiting...how long should one wait...with al the insecurities i express myself as a different person to the husband...which hurts him and me as well. Yesterday, my mom's friend came over...we were taling about my visit to inlaws place and she put in such simple words...she says every relation is that way...all you have to do it ignore and move on...they themselves are insecure so they act in way to secure their superior position...i head went yes yes i know that...but why cannot i act it out...it sounded so simple...my really bitchy friend also said that's super simple you should do that...i am going to their place in couple og hours...hope i can keep my cool and pretend to be the person i should and am supposed to be...there is this insecurity that hold me back...the feeling that once i am being good with them...they will take advange of me and my family...that my husband will push me more to do other things as well...that they will humiliate me...or that i will not be true to my parents anymore...they will think or take it for granted that they are more important to me than my parents...these are all the thoughts that go on in my head...i will try to make the effort to be good today...ask her out for shopping...and try to talk random things...hope i can keep up...my friend suggested i should promise myself a treat and just play things out...i will try and please wish me all the luck that i can do it and feel that its ok to give in.