I found some flirty email conversations between my husband and his co-worker. I confront him and intially he lies, gets defensive, and finally agrees that it was poor judgement. He says there was no emotional or physical connection/ attraction. Why would one flirt with out any physical attraction. He did not want me to read the other conversations and promised to stop everything at once and deleted all the converstaions. How long would this have continued if i have'nt found the emails? How deep would the relationship delved? How do i move forward? Knowing me, i can never forget this. I can never get over the fact that he broke my trust again. I am still in recovey phase and am already depressed. I dont have the strength to fight the urge to give up and die.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
I have been meaning to write for so long...however some fear has been witholding me from doing so...i have not been happy...i keep constantly telling myself that its all in my head...but no...not at all...its the husband who pushes me from the edge all the time. what ever i do...how much ever i do...he is never satisfied...he always has to blame me...i will always fall short in his expectations...and he has to generalize...how can i trust this person...how can i even expect to have a kid with this person...i dont want to live...i dont have the desire to live...i dont have hope in this relation ship...i dont see it becoming any easier on either of us...he has to analyze my every move...every expression...i feel suffocated in this relationship...why dont i have the strength to be myself ...be strong...and deal with this.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Another day...
Just another day...been ok to good
work is confusing...i have been moved to a completely different field which i dont have any background experience in. And it is not much of a brainy job as well. When i tell people about the move or rather forced move...some people congratulate on the move and commend me for making a great decision...are they just being nice? some people down right show their shock for being moved and accepting it. What am i to do...i am usually the person who just accepts life...who doesnt fight ...or am i not? i internally fight? i keep swaying? at times i feel may be its for my own good...i can ease off with this job and start plannign about the family...at times i feel i am being mis treated and i should just look else where and move on. I am moe angry that they just moved me without my concern than the job itself...am totally confused. things were okish at home or atleast the moods stayed okish...whenever the husband talks about his family...i am upset...why? is it his tone? atleast today its his bragging tone...or am i imagining things? is it just in my head? i should give it a little rest before i strat using my mouth ...especially the thought that his family never acknowledges the efforts i put in buying and sending gifts to them...i want to bring that up with the husband...but am scared to ruin the good thing thats going on...but thats bothering my on the inside...i think what irritates me most is the fact that he thinks they are perfect...he cannot see their flaws or atleast pretends to not see them is what bothers me most...i should just be able to ignore that rite? why cnanot i?
work is confusing...i have been moved to a completely different field which i dont have any background experience in. And it is not much of a brainy job as well. When i tell people about the move or rather forced move...some people congratulate on the move and commend me for making a great decision...are they just being nice? some people down right show their shock for being moved and accepting it. What am i to do...i am usually the person who just accepts life...who doesnt fight ...or am i not? i internally fight? i keep swaying? at times i feel may be its for my own good...i can ease off with this job and start plannign about the family...at times i feel i am being mis treated and i should just look else where and move on. I am moe angry that they just moved me without my concern than the job itself...am totally confused. things were okish at home or atleast the moods stayed okish...whenever the husband talks about his family...i am upset...why? is it his tone? atleast today its his bragging tone...or am i imagining things? is it just in my head? i should give it a little rest before i strat using my mouth ...especially the thought that his family never acknowledges the efforts i put in buying and sending gifts to them...i want to bring that up with the husband...but am scared to ruin the good thing thats going on...but thats bothering my on the inside...i think what irritates me most is the fact that he thinks they are perfect...he cannot see their flaws or atleast pretends to not see them is what bothers me most...i should just be able to ignore that rite? why cnanot i?
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