Am i complicated or what!

So...India vacation is going well...i mean really well...i dont want to go back now...i feel guilty that i am leaving my parents and all other juts for being lonely and crappy..i love it now...but am not sure if i can handle and be the same for a longer period of time...especially with the husband..he is a different being when he is around his parents..or for that matter just being in India...or may be its just in my head...can i move back for good...i have been asking myself...what reasons do i have to stay back in us..why cannot i move back to India..why shouldn't I? why shouldn't we? hmmm...and theres this gut wrenching pain thats been bothering me...what can i do to make things better around...am i being a good daughter...can i be a good daughter and good wife at the same time...i dont know if this is true...but this is all i can come up with...i feel envious (?) that my inlaws have a better place than my parents...better car than my parents...i feel my father and mother deserve better than them or anyone else...i pray that my dear brother settles really well and soon...i am going to send some money to daddy as i can...will get him a better car...will see to it that they visit me and i visit them often...and why cannot i be the same with the inlaws...i am actually ok when the husband is not around...why cannot the husband understand and make it simpler and easier...why does he have to fiddle and ruin our relation...and why do i have a problem with people he like and am ok with the people he doesn't like..i dont think its everyone...its just couple of people...i dont think i would have liked them either way also...but why cant i let go and be normal for the couple of hours they are around...is it because i dont want my husband to be happy?...i dont get it...i want him to be all mine...or may be not...am i insecure about him? can i talk about this to anyone else without being judged..why am i scared to open up...scared because i was made fun of...because i saw and heard ppl back bite..why cannot i have what i want with dh...i know i can ...its easier than i think...but i hold back..i am scared that it makes me vulnerable...or they will take advantage of me and my family...i mean who do i consider they..my husband?...am i being true to myself, the husband, and this marriage? why cannot i? what should i do to be the person everyone wants me to be and the one i want to be myself?